I have a lot of ideas floating in my head. usually only when I go to bed they make most sense, but then i am too tired to get up and write them. i used to do that when i was in college. going to bed after 2 am, and wake up at 9 and go to classes... what a good lie and time to meditate. and i know i shouldn't complain. i still have the time in the word to write my thoughts and meditate. i know new mothers who think the time to meditate will never be theirs again.
the things i was thinking about were related to parenthood and mentoring.
and how much i love my parents for never changing the rules of the game on me. that is, their genuine sense of integrity offered me a stable ground to build my moral self, to solidify my beliefs, to be a strong woman. i think i saw myself as a woman, not necessarily in the way one would think the term woman means, physically developed, or emotionally ready for any romantic relationship, but a woman that could take on the world, responsible and strong.
Back to my parents. They never gave me verbal warning when i was pushing their limits, and pushing their buttons. I know never is a strong word, but i don't recall hearing them say: if you do that one more time i am going to spank you.
I did get my full share of spanks early on, but I learned to listen to nonverbal cues. And stop being a pain in the butt long before their breaking point. I learned to respect them, and communicate, because of their non trained way of dealing with life. But they never ever switched the rules on me.
I love them for their patience, for their kindness, for believing in me, for letting me find my own self without hovering. Sometimes I fear they gave me too much independency, trusting me, trusting me without many verbal assurances.
In my relationships with my friends, and coworkers and family, if there is one think I pray I won't fail in is to have my yes be yes and y no be no, and never change my rules because they suite me better. A promise made, is a promise kept, always come on time for meetings, go an extra mile, trust and give second chances. be firm in your beliefs and stand straight.
My mom was telling me she slapped Dan's hand when he asked for money a third time to go buy lottery tickets. He was but 7 years old. They were traveling to my grandma's house. They were in a train station. After she told him: "never ask for money to buy lottery tickets, she saw Dan's sad ashamed little face, and it broke her heart, but she said she couldn't take her word back. she couldn't change her mind about the lottery tickets. she wanted to brush the pain away, but her firm position in this matter made it clear what the rules were. and he didn't die of shame or sorrow for not purchasing lottery tickets that day.
rules are rules, and the 10 commands are loud and clear.
we are such weak people. we seek the immediate comfort, we want to be liked, we want to be happy at any cost. we don't like discipline. we don't discipline ourselves and thus we have no authority over our children.
Authority doesn't lay in a strong scary voice. Or an abusive attitude. but in the respect one earns by leading by example first and not being afraid to clearly state the rules and not go back to change them. weak people change the rules because they are afraid of the consequences.
I love my parents, and i love their genuine way of leading their lives. they are far from perfect, and yet they are perfect in my eyes. that is: i love them wholeheartedly, and i am proud of them and i am grateful to them.
Indeed, Dan and I are who we are because of their character and sacrifices and because they always said: "we want you to be more than we ever had the chance to become" they were never in competition with us. and they believed in us.
Thank you God for the blessing of my parents. And I pray that I will be an example for the next generation, the same way they were for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment