I passed the test - i got my genius certification for Apple!

Lucruri mari si minunate se intampla. si se schimba, si eu odata cu ele, in pas de vals, usor si elegant.
Si conrad iara se lauda ca are o sotie hot si smart. si mie imi place cand el e bucuros asa de reusitele mele.
pastele a trecut prea repede si aproape neobservat. m-am bucurat sa il saratorim cu toata inima la biserica, si am simtit pana in maduva oaselor ca hristos e viu si noi suntm vii prin el.
si uite asa, in curand se implineste un an de cand si eu si conrad am inceput lucrul... oricum, viata nu va mai fi niciodata asa cum a fost acum doi ani. noi suntm mai deasura lucrurilor care acum doi ani ni se pareau munti de netrecut, si cate frici duceam noi in spate, frica de nereusita, frici financiare, frica de esec, de faliment... rica de noi insine si cine suntem si cine devenim...
si nu ca imi doresc sa o iau vreodata de la capat, dar daca ar fi sa ramanem iar cu mainile goale si fara un plan de supravietuire, avem experientele de anul acesta care ne vor da un dram de curaj... domnul ne poarta de grija.

Easter at the Altmanns

flori inainte de pasti ... flori de florii

lunch with Caleb

Lucru si echilibru

Am primit o promovare. Nu ce-a dorita, dar probabil una mai interesanta. M-au felicitat pe rand colegii, dar nu am simtit nici o anume buvurie. Stiu ca au fost mai multi candidati, si e greu sa te bucuri cand chiar langa tine cineva e dezamagit.
E valtoare mare la lucru, schimari dramatice, unele nebine primie de colegi. Majoritatea.
Avem un credo, ca ici in compania asta cea mai importanta resursa sunt oamenii, sufletul companiei. Dar mi se pare ca empatia lipseste, cand momentan doar se urmeaza niste comenzi de sus, si managerii abia isi trag ei sufletul in aplicarea acestor ordine.

In fine, stresul si frustrarea dintre colegi a declansat facatorul de pace din mine. Si vad lucruri care nu ma afecteaza in mod direct, dar n ma pot abtine sa nu ma doara. Probabil ca in parte e si un dram de mandrie, ca pot judeca lucrurile la rece, pentru ca nu sunt implicata direct, sau aceste fapte nu ma afecteaza direct pe mine. Cum ar fi taierea orelor, si stagnarea intr-o pozitie fara recunoasterea meritelor. Dar acum, tot ce pot zice ii ca nu imi chiar doresc sa lucrez asa de mult, si m-as bucura sa am mai putine ore de lucru, chiar daca asta inseamna un salariu mai mic. plata pe ora e asa insignificanta, ca nu ar face o mare diferenta.
Iar pe de alta parte, promovarea asta nu a schimbat nimic, decat numarul responsabilitatilor mele. Acum sunt in cursa de pregatire pentru geniu de raparari si transferuri intre calculatoare, si clase de 1la1.
Imbratisam schimbarea, ca uneoro ne-o dorim cu ardoare, alteori nu avem incotro... dar in ziua de azi stagnarea inseamna regres, si in nici un caz nu putem regresa.

Ce stiu eu... scriu in ro,aneste acum pentru ca asa mi-e de obosita mintea ca abia mai pot gandi. Azi am liber, desi ieri deodata am aparut ca si cand sunt programata pentru 5 clase diferite. Sa-ti imaginezi ce soc! Dar managerul mi-a confirmat ca pot avea ziua libera. E nevoie de un balans intre munca si familie si relaxare. Si de obicei am un echilibru bun, dar inevitabil imi mai e distrasa atentia de entuziasmul de la lucru.

De altfel, azi vreau sa pictez, si sa imi relaxsez mintea. :) si tre sa erg la cumparaturi de mancare de asemenea.
Alaltaieri m-am vazut cu maggie si caleb. Au venit sa ma viziteze. si ce bine a fost! si caleb imi zice numele acum. Ce drag mi-e pruncul asta!

Azi e vinerea mare. si imi pare bine ca am liber. am ocazia sa imi odihnesc gandurile si sa ma gandesc la invierea lui Isus ce va sa vina. Sa ma gandesc la lucrurile care conteaza.
Desi m-am oferit sa vin la lucru, ma bucur ca mi s-a spus ca e dreptul meu sa ma odihnesc si sa am ziua libera.

Promovare si slujire

I had my interview today, for the promotion to the creative position. Rather rushed between two classes I had to teach, but it was a good meeting.
The general manager said as we were getting started: "two days ago you had a class with a man who's name is X. That my father in law." and he said that with a serious face. Couldn't preditct what was going to follow. The the manager said: "we had dinner with him that evening, and he wouldnt stop raving about you. You impressed him. He felt like a king: listened and important. You impressed him with your humility." I don't know how that sounds, but I serve when I teach. Hristos a venit in lume sa slujeasca, nu sa fie slujit. E o Asa eliberare cand nu suntem dependenti de actiunile altora. Suntem liberi sa slujim. Si cand o facem cu drag Si de buna voie, minini au loc.

Junior high topic this month

Beauty. 
Our creator is the master of making beauty. He created us all in his image. We didn't earn our beauty, thus it belongs to God, and we ought to use it for his glory nor for our own benefit: like popularity and power. 
The beauty that lasts and is constantly enhanced as the time goes by is the inner beauty, mind beauty, soul beauty, shared through words, actions and kind, joyful eye-contact. 

Aware

I am afraid sometimes that all these thoughts i have will make me be smug about life. And then inevitably, humbling events come our way. 

My joyful perspective over life is at times inappropriate, given all the sad hard events happening around me. And yet, I can't deny I have a joyful hopeful heart. I pray I won't step on any toes with it. 

Writing things down I can face bluntly what is going on in my head. Sometimes it is scary. Pride is a disease, depression on an ongoing basis is not healthy either. Embracing who we are, and yet not giving up on bettering ourselves... Loving our neighbor, serving others, being gracious, being generous, drawing our joy from God and from within, for he is welcomed and present inside ourselves. 

Self-sufficiency

Being self-sufficient when you are sick or unemployed, is out of question. It's our ego burdening us even more, to be or appear as something that is beyond draining for us to keep up such independent appearance.  

We we not meant to be self-dufficient. God allowed numerous circumstance to humble us, to make us realize how fragile we are, to learn to rely on god, and not only. Hardship is an opportunity for friends and family to love and serve. Why would one deprive those that love us of the opportunity to share and increase the grace. 

I love what god teaches us through the most unexpected circumstances, And sometimes the most uncomfortable...

Audience

We all long for an audience. We believe that if someone else will witness our lives, they will be more meaningful. Then why do we long for solitude as well? We often call out time of rest, time to recharge our batteries, to get back on stage with a happy smile. Smiling when you don't feel like it can be quiet draining. Isn't it? 

At the same time, we don't want to dance to someone else's music. We want to be the masters of our fate. We want to feel powerful, we want to wrote our play as we go along and act in it. 

I say I am independent, and I cant care less for other people's opinions, but that's not true. I am quiet receptive to feedback and my surrounding's reactions. I think the trick is to learn to discern between the things that that matter and the opinions that matter. And take action accordingly. We ought to be aware of who we are, and that we are constantly changing, as everything else around us changes. And yet we never adapt our moral and conscience. Unless to make it stand more straight. We need to have a constant in our lives. And how do we determine it? How do we keep it I our sight? How do we hold on to it? Who is our unchanged constant? I say God. I don't believe in god because he gives me this warm Fuzzy feeling when I go to sleep. Or not just for that reason at least. Every day we make choices, every day we live in a tough world that we want to leave our mark in.  And god is always around. Even when nobody's looking. He is our audience. And because of Him our life has meaning. 

Friday day off

The 2 things that relax me are hot milk and a hot bath. 
I often feel compelled to challenge people. To look them in the eyes, to be blunt sometimes (I can't help it), to say outrageous true things, to be different. 
On the other hand I don't particularly like conflict. But I have no problem picking a fight. 

I pretend to be rebellious with buzzed hair and big earrings. Too much sweetness can be gagging. I am happy. I am so happy on the inside. My job motivates me to keep going and keep serving and smiling. Even though sometimes I feel like being grumpy... 

I made Sarmale today. And I gave a portion to a friend who just had a baby. And I made soup as well. Sas soup. Tomorrow we have guests for dinner. Yay!

Mesaj trunchiat nasei. Un bun rezumat.

Zilele se desfasoara Si se infasoara ca foile de placinta, Si zilele nu mai au nici inceput nici sfarsit.
Noi suntem tot pe drumuri, niciodata acasa ca Ne place la lucru prea mult.
In rest, ii fac tot felul de bunatati de mancare lui Conrad Si el ii bucuros. ...
Ne-am luat un pat mare. Primul nostru pat, cumparat de noi. Iar in rest visam. Visam la o vacanta, Asa cum Mai tot omul viseaza. Dar pana la urma vacanta noastra va fi o vizita la bunici. A fi buna Si aia, ca schimbare de rutina Si decor.

5 seconds drawing, on the ipad. pretty cool!

looking tough

Sin, grace and pain

Sin and grace
This concept, the codependence between sin and grace, has been also on my mind. We teach very impressionable minds about god and how we relate to him, especially as sinners. A co staffer was trying to say yesterday at our meeting that sin is such a tabu topic among her 8 graders. Mostly because it is unbearable to live happily and yet fully aware of our sinful nature. And yet, god did die for us on the cross so we can be cleansed and be made holy again. And there are two extremes that we ought to be aware of. Either taking grace for granted, and without much effort on our part, think that god will always forgive and clean us, because that's what he does, taking it for granted; or be so overwhelmed in our consciousness by the sin in our lives, exacerbating it and listening to satan's whisper that we are not worthy of forgiveness. And never even dare to come to god with our burdens. 
The way I found my balance in this, was to let my heart deal with the truth. And make david's prayer from the psalms: "search my heart oh god and see if I am on your path. " being honest with ourselves is a good start in being honest with god. When we ask for god's help to overcome a temptation, do we knowingly avoid that temptation or we flirt with it, and then if we fall again, we blame it on god, that he didn't save us, or he didn't give us the strength to o ercome the temptation of sin. God is omnipresent and he can see your heart. Don't let yourself be fooled by Satan. 
So, that's my say in this. And if you ever experience guilt, it means that your conscience is healthy and awake. Don't shut your conscience up, but find the root of your spiritual pain.  Just like a healthy body that feels pain so you can fix the sickness, not cover up the pain. That's why I don't like pain killers. They just cover up a signal that my body sends to my brain. Pain killers have their purspose only when pain is unbearable and you need help to cope with it, be in a functioning state of mind, so you can help yourself. 

About sadness in joy

A series of events made me be more pensive and intentional in my thoughts. 
First, the death of my friend Calin, and all it's implications, the people left behind, his suffering of a year and a half. They don't make sense in my head. All this just made me very sad. And I had to cope with it in a work environment where you have to be up beat and smiley. That took a toll on me. And now I hear about the health issues of a friend in romania and the emotional and physical exhaustion of another, and my best friend here was just admitted into the hospital after a seizure, with a brain tumor, out of the blue. Very scary stuff, and the fact that my faith is unmovable in god's love and care and power over all things, makes me unsure of the source of my confidence. Is it because it's not me lying on that hospital bed, or it's not me who lost a husband. But then I visualize god's loving eyes, and I remember my journey with Him for the last 27 years, and I think, maybe I do trust god, and my rest in him is not fake. I am so passionate about who god is! And I fell this passion even more especially when I meet with Him in a community of adolescents.  I remember so clearly my first encounter with god and the joy of being forgiven and cleansed and loved and accepted.