About sadness in joy

A series of events made me be more pensive and intentional in my thoughts. 
First, the death of my friend Calin, and all it's implications, the people left behind, his suffering of a year and a half. They don't make sense in my head. All this just made me very sad. And I had to cope with it in a work environment where you have to be up beat and smiley. That took a toll on me. And now I hear about the health issues of a friend in romania and the emotional and physical exhaustion of another, and my best friend here was just admitted into the hospital after a seizure, with a brain tumor, out of the blue. Very scary stuff, and the fact that my faith is unmovable in god's love and care and power over all things, makes me unsure of the source of my confidence. Is it because it's not me lying on that hospital bed, or it's not me who lost a husband. But then I visualize god's loving eyes, and I remember my journey with Him for the last 27 years, and I think, maybe I do trust god, and my rest in him is not fake. I am so passionate about who god is! And I fell this passion even more especially when I meet with Him in a community of adolescents.  I remember so clearly my first encounter with god and the joy of being forgiven and cleansed and loved and accepted.