Apologetic

I apologize for my success, I try an diminish it by reminiscing about the lame things from the past. I don't remember ever standing out among my peers in school. That's why I focused so much on studying hard. School was about hard work. Never liked the peer pressure, and I want to admit it or not, there was plenty peer pressure, even in my idealized shook setting back then. Gossip or bad vocabulary, fitting in, one way or another. My faith and determination to live by my own standards was all hard and easy at the same time. It was a constant, that never changed depending on changeable people. It was consistent. God is unchangeable. He is reliable, in time and space.  

Thai food in Los Gatos cu Moni si Adi - si multe rasete

Pictures from Tahoe JH Staff Retreat

My mom

I share things with people, and then instead of getting them off my chest, i think about them even more.
Like this fact, that has been need and tear to me, that my mom never told me that I'm beautiful. it sounds awkward in romanian I guess. People don't shower each other with compliments back home. we started doing this a little bit in my group of bible study girls, in Cluj. people just didn't comment much on appearance. or not that i remember of. I had a hard time taking a compliment in college. I would always give an explanation or negate the compliment. i had to catch myself and just say thank you when someone said they liked my ... (fill in the blanks).
Back to my mom, she never said that i'm beautiful. I secretly hoped and a believed I am. just because beanpole that matter never told me that i'm ugly.
But why did it never bother me?
And it hit me this weekend. Because my mom liked me. I remember her looking at me smiling, touching my hair with her beautiful hand, and i think she was proud of me... for something. I was independent, I worked hard, sometimes she would encourage me to take a break from studying, and take a day off from school. She was real. she never followed a script, and for some reason I could tell she was real, and I loved her for that. I now she still feels like she should have done more, she should have studied more books on how to raise teenagers, but I think she did an amazing job, because she loved God with all her heart, and she loved me, and she was real. My mom is still amazing. and goofy and random... :)

Coming back from Tahoe retreat

Tahoe trip

The main thing I have in common with the junior high leaders and kids is Jesus and the cross. Bottom line, that's what it all boils to. Different culture, different church, different junior high experience, and different personalities. 

But I love serving alongside this group. They are simply amazing. Funny, carrying, unique and interesting, with a strong love for Jesus and a deep faith. 
We all gather around this purpose, this goal, to serve and lead the junior highers. 

My take aways this weekend.
I have grown do much in my shoes as a small group leader. I realize now that I have been waiting for their validations and acceptance in the group. Even expecting them to quietly accept what I have to say. 
I realize now that they look up to me, not the other way around. 
My story matters, as a base line of who I am and how I can impact them, my story with Jesus, but it's their voice that needs to be heard and journey of faith to be traveled. 
I sometimes get so wrapped up in my own history, and I hope and expect them to relate to hid the same way as I did. Reading the bible, letting God speak to me through psalms and proverbs, and all the other stories. I was the quiet one who journaled and processed things in silence. 
Now I have to just be flexible and expect the unexpected. Learn to communicate with the thinker, the crisis make, the distracter, the talker, the bible geek etc. 
I do love and like my girls. 
I don't always know how to relate to them. But they have changed my life by being in it, and I believe I have influenced theirs a little bit. 

Q4 meeting

ny new hair